Black Christmas (1974, Bob Clark)

Ok, why does Halloween get all the attention when it comes to slasher films? I mean, yeah it's a classic of the genre and one of the first but when you think about it, not only did Black Christmas come out 4 years earlier, it also took place around a holiday. I don't really remember what made me rent this when I was about 16 (it was probably after seeing Silent Night Deadly Night) but when I did, I instantly fell in love with it. I remember making my friends watch it too.

Black Christmas takes place at a sorority house right before Christmas break. After receiving obscene phone calls, one of the girls goes missing. Then, the other girls all start disappearing too. After one of the girls, Jess (Olivia Hussey), calls the police about the obscene phone calls, they realize that the calls and the disappearances may be connected.

Black Christmas is one of the scariest, creepiest and best horror films out there. It has been called the first slasher film (unless you count Psycho) and after watching so many other slashers, you can instantly tell where so many of the cliches of such films originated from. The opening scene to When a Stranger Calls even shamelessly rips off an entire key scene from Black Christmas. Another funny thing about this film is how director Bob Clark went on to make one of the most iconic Christmas films of all time, A Christmas Story. Though A Christmas Story is filled with dark humor, it couldn't be more different than Black Christmas. I would definitely suggest this film for any fans of Christmas/Holiday-themed horror films. The last half hour will definitely keep you on the edge of your seat.

RATING: 5/5

Christmas Evil (1980, Lewis Jackson)

Continuing on with the holiday celebrations is Christmas Evil (aka You Better Watch Out aka Terror in Toyland). I remember reading about this film and searching for it for a long time as a teenager. I finally found an ex-rental vhs copy for sale at a junk shop in East Asscrack, MA when I was 17. Unfortunately at the time, I watched it once and hated it.

Harry Stadling (Brandon Maggart) gets a little crazy around the holidays. His house is covered wall to wall in Christmas decorations and toys. He checks on the kids in his neighborhood to see if they have been good or bad. This year, something triggers a memory from Harry's childhood involving Santa Claus (actually Harry's father in a Santa costume) doing naughty things to Harry's mother. Harry decides that he will become Santa and show the world that good deeds will be rewarded and naughty people will be punished.

Christmas Evil is way more than just your average Christmas slasher. Brandon Maggart is incredible as the disturbed Harry, totally immersing himself in the role. This film is more of a character study of a mentally ill man than it is a bloody horror film. It took ten years since I first watched it before I could appreciate it for its brilliance.

RATING: 5/5

Don't Open till Christmas (1984, Edmund Purdom)

I love Christmas. Always have and (hopefully) always will. Not everyone feels the same way about Christmas though. I'm sure you've heard of Seasonal Depression or even the expression "Bah Humbug". Well some folks take their hatred of the holiday season to the extreme - as seen in this here film.

Don't Open till Christmas is about a sad sack who hates Christmas. He hates it so much in fact that he feels the need to kill anyone he sees dressed up as Santa Claus. On his trail is Inspector Harris (played by director Edmund Purdom), who suspects the killer to be the money-hungry boyfriend of one of the victims' daughters. Also on the Santa Killer's trail is Sergeant Powell, who suspects Inspector Harris may be linked to the murders, thanks to a tip from a suspicious reporter. In the meantime, Santas are being burnt, speared and (in a cringe worthy scene) castrated. Oh the horror.

Don't Open till Christmas is a decent slasher that has enough surprises and Santa slayings to make it worthwhile. Some of the camerawork, sound and editing are a little jumpy and its definitely not the best Christmas horror film out there, but it's worth a watch if you're in the mood for some anti-holiday cheer.

RATING: 3/5

Isle of the Damned (2008, Antonello Giallo)

So out of the blue I get this email from someone named Brain Leake asking if I would review his company Dire Wit Films' new movie. Hellz Yeah! Finally someone is sending me a movie to review. It came today and I swore I felt just like a young (and slightly skinnier) Ebert must have felt when he received his first screener. I looked it up online and apparently it has played at a few theaters and will be released on dvd next year.

Isle of the Damned follows private detective Jack Steele and his adopted son Billy on a search to find the lost treasure of Marco Polo. They hire a group of pirates to bring them to the island where the treasure is supposedly hidden, which turns out to be an island of cannibals. They soon discover there are other inhabitants on the island, one of which knows where the treasure is.

Isle of the Damned is a hilarious spoof of the 70's Cannibal films (many of which I have reviewed already). The best thing about it though is that it has all the disgusting cannibalism, torture, dismemberment, castration and whatnot that made those films classics..and a whole lot more. There are lots of fake mustaches, bad dubbing, pirates, cheesy music and some very uncomfortable (and hilarious) homo-eroticism. I really hope this film gains the cult classic status that it so desperately deserves. It's very rare that you see a spoof actually improve on the genre it is making fun of. I hope I receive more screeners in the future but something tells me few will live up to Isle of the Damned.

RATING: 5/5

Black Hole (1979, Robert Forster)

Here we have another late 70's/early 80's Sci-Fi film, The Black Hole, which was the first Disney film to be rated PG, the first film ever to have a digitally recorded soundtrack (courtesy of the great John Barry) and to feature the longest computer graphics sequence ever at the time. Most Sci-Fi fans would laugh at this film compared to today's CGI spoogefests, but to me, this is the shit.

The Black Hole follows the crew of the USS Palomino, a spacecraft in search of life in outer space. Lead by Captain Dan Holland (Robert Forster), the crew also includes Holland's right hand man, a couple of scientists (one of which can communicate with robots via ESP?!?), Ernest Borgnine (not sure what his role is) and a welfare version of R2D2 (whose voice is obviously modeled after C3PO, courtesy of Roddy McDowall) named V.I.N.C.E.N.T. (which to my knowledge doesn't actually stand for anything). Anyway, the crew stumbles upon a gigantic spacecraft, the Cygnus, which the Palomino makes an emergency landing on for repairs. The Cygnus' commander, Dr. Reinhardt (Maximillian Schell) welcomes the crew aboard and explains that he has figured out a way to travel through the Black Hole, a huge gaping mass of whatever that can suck up ships like nobody's business, hoping to unlock the mysteries of the universe. Reinhardt's crazy idea is laughed at by most of the crew, with the exception of Anthony Perkin's Dr. Durant (figures that the guy who played Norman Bates is the one crew member to go along with this wacky plan). The crew soon realize that Reinhardt is more than just a curious Dr. and they must figure out how to save themselves before they are sucked into the Black Hole too.

I discovered this film after seeing Battle Beyond the Stars (review to come soon) and the search to find similar films. The special effects are pretty neat, though very dated, as are the robots seen throughout the film. I really enjoyed the cast (Robert Forster is incredibly likable) and the story as well. The best thing about the film is the anticipation of seeing what's really in the Black Hole, which I won't say too much about. This film is definitely not for those who crave the newest special effects that today's films offer but if you enjoy watching walking, talking trashcans and robots that have battery operated eyes, this is for you.

RATING: 5/5

Moonraker (1979, Roger Moore)

Bond. James....Wait a second, can a James Bond movie be a B movie? They make up one of the most famous film series of all time. They always have huge budgets, use state of the art special effects, are filmed in exotic locations with extensive set designs and feature famous actors. Not to mention they usually rule the box office. Maybe B movies isn't the right term, but on occasion at the very heart of these blockbusters is a B movie in disguise. Moonraker is the perfect example of this.

You all know James Bond, secret agent 007 for Her Majesty's Secret Service. Licensed to kill. In this entry, the 11th official entry in the James Bond series, Bond (Roger Moore) goes to Drax Industries, owned by Hugo Drax, to investigate a stolen space craft. There he meets Dr. Holly Goodhead (Lois Chiles), who turns out to be an undercover CIA agent and uncovers a plot to destroy the human race. Why? Well, I don't want to give everything away. Bond travels around the globe (and outer space) while hang gliding, fighting a giant water python, being pushed out of a plane without a parachute, destroying an entire glass museum and much more.

Trying to profit off of the recent success of Star Wars, the James Bond series took a trip to Outer Space. This proved successful, being the highest grossing Bond film for the next 16 years. Moonraker is one of the best examples of the Bond series being a big budget B movie. The plot is silly, the characters are straight out of a comic book and everything about it is over the top. Most people call Moonraker one of the lowest points in the series. I love it. What I wouldn't give to have been able to see this on the big screen in 1979 (I was negative 1 year old at the time) with the millions of other people flocking to see Bond travel to outer space.

RATING: 4/5

The Great Silence (1968, Sergio Corbucci)

Spaghetti westerns. I'll be honest, I couldn't care less about Spaghetti westerns or westerns in general until recently. It was Django (who's director Sergio Corbucci is also the director of this film). The only real reason I took a chance on Django was because it was considered somewhat of a classic and because I was rabid to see more films with Franco Nero. I really enjoyed it and started seeking out other SWs that I may like. Django Kill...If You Live Shoot, Run Man Run, Companeros and Four of the Apocalypse, to name just a few. Oh yeah, and........

Il Grande Silenzio, or The Great Silence, is not like your average western. You can tell right away when the opening credits show a cowboy riding a horse through a snow covered landscape. Wait, it snows in the west? We soon find out that the story takes place in Snowhill, Utah (fitting name). A group of bounty killers roam the town, hunting bandits in exchange for money. The head bounty killer is Loco (Klaus Kinski) who shows no mercy towards these bandits, dragging them on his horse with a bullwhip or shooting at the blink of an eye. A mute outlaw named Silence also comes to town. Silence hires himself out as protection to the outlaws to kill the bounty killers (does that make him a bounty killer killer?). Anyway, it is up to the viewer to determine if the cold blooded and ruthless bounty hunters being paid by the sheriff are the heroes and the vengeful Silence, who is out for justice and being paid by the outlaws is the villain or vice versa.

The Great Silence is a true gem. It is a strange movie, but very rewarding. There are so many surprises in this movie. Why Silence became silent. The love scene between Silence and the African-American widow of one of the dead bandits killed by Loco. And last but not least, one of the most shocking and unexpected endings in movie history. Klaus Kinski is great, as usual. Jean-Louis Trintignant shows so much emotion for a man who doesn't talk, proving his talent. The direction and stark cinematography is also great, it almost gives the film a black and white feel. Go see this friggin' movie.

RATING: 5/5