Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires (1974, Roy Ward Baker)

I have watched many Hammer Horror films recently but for some reason just never got around to reviewing any of them until now. You all know the more famous Hammer films: Horror of Dracula, Curse of Frankenstein, The Mummy and their numerous sequels usually starring Peter Cushing and/or Christopher Lee. But what about the lesser known Hammer films? Don't they deserve to be recognized? Well I haven't seen them all, but I'm sure many of them don't. Some of them though, while flawed, definitely have something going for them. Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires is no exception.

Legend...(if you think I'm going to type that title out over and over again then you're on crack) starts with a Chinese traveler visiting the castle of Dracula to help him aid the 6 golden vampires from his village (the 7th was killed). When Drac arises from his tomb we think "yes, it's Christopher Lee!", but then we get a better look and realize that it's some guy who kind of resembles Lee but is wearing a face-ful of makeup. Apparently Dracula's slumber has allowed him time to get in touch with his inner vampiress. Anyway, he takes over the body of the Chinese traveler, Kah (Chan Shen) and travels back to Kah's village to lead the 6 remaining golden vampires. Dracula's nemesis, Van Helsing (much better name for a band then Van Halen, IMHO) happens to be giving lectures on the legend of the 7 golden vampires in China, though most of his students think he is crazy. One student, Hsi Ching (David Chiang), knows that Van Helsing's legend is true and asks him to save the village from the 6 remaining vampires. After Van Helsing's son meets up with a rich widow (the beautiful Julie Ege), she agrees to pay for the trip if she can come along. So Van Helsing, his son and new girlfriend embark on the trip, along with Hsi Ching and his group of kung fu experts.

Sounds like an interesting, yet unusual plot, doesn't it? Well, it is very unusual. Fortunately, the film moves very fast and the Chinese/martial arts aspects of the film work very well. There are a few martial arts battles between Van Helsing's companions and zombies brought back to life by the Golden Vampires (yup, there are zombies too) that kick ass (pun intended). The fights last several minutes and you can tell the actors are all well trained. It's actually the whole vampire/zombie thing about the movie that is a little silly. The zombies look similar to the Templars in Amando de Ossorio's Blind Dead films - basically skulls with robes, which would be fine but every time they come out of the ground they make this ridiculous sound that had me in hysterics. Sort of a high pitched "mamamama" sound. Great stuff. The golden vampires had cheesy prune-face makeup with gold lone ranger masks on. Tonto, get these guys some cool Kabuki masks or something, would ya? Anyway, the film itself was fun and silly. The action was great and the fast pacing made it very watchable. I just wish Dracula himself looked more like a scary vampire and less like a wig-less cross dresser. To each his own, I guess.

RATING: 3/5

Four of the Apocalypse (1975, Lucio Fulci)

More Fulci? Yup. This one is a little different. It doesn't have zombies, though I wouldn't say it's not a horror film. It's real classification is as a Spaghetti Western, but I'd say it also has elements of Horror and Exploitation as well. There are plenty of scenes in this film that would appease the fans of Fulci's more gory films. My friend actually let me borrow this awhile ago and I loved it immediately. I ended up picking up a cheap used copy of the out of print Once Upon a Time in Italy box set put out by Anchor Bay, which includes this film, Companeros, Bullet for the General, Keoma and Texas Adios. I highly recommend this set for any fans of Spaghetti Westerns.

This film is about 4 misfits who wind up in jail together - a gambler named Stubby Preston (Fabio Testi), a preggo hooker Bunny(Lynne Frederick), a drunk Clem (Michael J. Pollard) and Bud, a dude who sees dead people (Haley Joel Osment...just kidding, it's really Harry Baird). When the town they are in is over run by hooded bandits, Stubby makes a deal with the sheriff to let them go. On their journey to make a better life, they stumble upon Chaco (Tomas Milian in an incredible performance) who befriends them but soon shows his true colors as a sadist and murdering bandit. Chaco tortures them and leaves them to die but they escape and continue on with their journey, only to meet further obstacles along the way.

Four of the Apocalypse pretty much has it all. Some other reviews I've read have stated that Fulci can't help but add his soon to be trademark of gore and sadism to a film that has a lot of other things going for it. Though this is certainly true, some of us happen to like both. I actually think the film would be boring if it didn't have the Chaco character as brutal as he was. I think the balance of touching moments (mainly between Testi and Frederick) and terror is great and it just makes for a really different type of film. All of the actors are really great here, the gore is top notch and the story is excellent. I like a lot of spaghetti westerns but the main problem I have with them is that they have too many scenes of cowboys sitting around a bar fighting over land or property or their town or whatever and not enough action. The action they do have is often just silly, bloodless gunfights. Four of the Apocalypse has not one dull moment and the action is much more violent. So, I guess this film isn't for everyone but it's definitely for me.

RATING: 5/5

B Movies and Beyond makes a splash!

(yes, that is the one and only Starmummy taking a dip in an earthling's pool. I peed in it after too!)

So I just received an email from the Only Good Movies blog - a nice little site which boasts the subtitle "The Best Movie Reviews on the Internet". Anyway, they linked my review for Final Destination as part of their "100 Horror Movies to See Before You Die". Pretty neat. Just wanted to say thanks to them for the recognition. Hope more sites recognize my little blog and do the same.

House by the Cemetery (1981, Lucio Fulci)

Directly following Fulci's masterpiece, The Beyond, was House by the Cemetery. Continuing on with the theme of supernatural zombies started by City of the Living Dead and The Beyond, House by the Cemetery does have some differences too. The main difference is the setting. Almost the whole film is set in the house referenced in the title. I actually had this movie for a long time on one of those cheapo 10 movie sets but put off watching it until I picked up a copy put out by Anchor Bay, a double disc set with The Beyond - mainly due to Anchor Bay's history of releasing the best possible versions available.

House by the Cemetery is the story of - don't be shocked folks - a house by the cemetery. The Boyle family move into this house, which we find out was once the home of the mysterious Freudstein family. As it turns out, the basement in the house seems to be boarded up and after opening it, Mr. Boyle (Paolo Malco) and Mrs. Boyle (the yummy Catriona MacColl, yet again) are attacked by a very stubborn bat and decide to leave the basement alone. Their son Bob starts seeing a girl who lives across the street who tells him about the house and how Mrs. Freudstein was buried in the basement. Mrs. Boyle sees the tomb under a rug (?!?) and thinks nothing of it. Soon, it is uncovered that there is someone or something living in the basement and that if you go down there, you're fucked.

A step down from The Beyond, House by the Cemetery has a pretty slow start. Most people would probably lose interest early on which is a real shame. The last half hour is one of the scariest of any film I've ever seen. The claustrophobic feel of the house's basement, where most of the action takes place is pretty terrifying. The evil lurking down there is scary as hell and makes for a great adversary to the Boyles (and anyone else entering the basement). It's a shame so little happens in the first hour of the film, but if you give it a chance you will find yourself breathing into a paper bag held in one hand and cheering with the other for more of Giannetto De Rossi's brilliant makeup effects.

note: I just found out that the house in this film is located in my state! Honey, feel like visiting your uncle in Scituate?

RATING: 4/5

The Beyond (1981, Lucio Fulci)

Continuing on with my Fulci-thon is The Beyond. Most people seem to argue about which is Fulci's masterpiece, this film or Fulci's Zombie. The Beyond deals with a lot of the same themes as Fulci's previous film, City of the Living Dead, and is considered by many to be part of a trilogy with City of the Living Dead and House by the Cemetery. Where Zombie dealt with a more straightforward zombie story, this trilogy features a more supernatural zombie theme. I guess it depends what your bag is. I actually came across this film under the title Seven Doors of Death, which I bought for like $4.00 in a bargain bin at a Strawberries music/movie store. I had already seen Zombie and thought this looked like it could be decent. I had never even heard of the film but I decided to take a chance. Did it pay off?

The Beyond starts in 1927 New Orleans with a group of witch hunters killing a painter named Zweick who they believe to be a warlock. As it turns out, he really is one and his death opens up one of the seven gates of hell under the hotel he is living in. 50-something years later, a young woman Liza (the beautiful Catriona MacColl) inherits the hotel and begins fixing it up. She starts seeing a blind girl who tells her to get away while she still can. In the meantime those who enter the hotel begin dying horrible deaths. Liza and her doctor friend (David Warbeck) try to figure out what is causing these catastrophes and soon figure out what evil lurks in the hotel.

As great as Zombie was, I would have to say The Beyond IS indeed Fulci's masterpiece. Pretty much everything about this film is great. The story, the great cinematography, the characters, the ending. Of course there is one other major thing Fulci is known for: G-O-R-E-GORE! There are so many classic scenes in this film that would make any gorehound's pants tight. Giannetto De Rossi proves himself as one of the greatest makeup effects artist of all time with this film. All of these things together make up one of the best horror films ever made. I can't recommend this film enough. Do yourself a favor and check this one out. If you hate it, go kill yourself because you suck. Just kidding. Don't go kill yourself. But you do still suck.

RATING: 5/5

New York Ripper (1982, Lucio Fulci)

Lucio Fulci is widely known for one thing: Zombies. Though more representative of Fulci's oeuvre is Gore. Fulci dabbled in many genres throughout his career (Italian Crime, Sword and Sorcery, Giallo, etc) but present in all of these films is Gore. This film is no exception. Though different from Fulci's earlier, less gory Giallo films (Lizard in a Woman's Skin and Don't Torture a Duckling) - New York Ripper is sick, depraved, sleazy and just plain nasty. Just the way I like it!

New York Ripper is a film about a killer who is hunting women on the streets of New York. Police Lt. Fred Williams (Jack Hedley) is out to find this killer and starts receiving calls from the killer who talks like a duck to disguise their voice. Williams partners up with a psychoanalyst to try to figure out what the killer's motives are. At the same time, we see a nymphomaniac and her husband who may know something about the murders or may become victims themselves.

New York Ripper was a fun movie. Not fun by most people's standards - with it's frequent use of sex and violence - but fun for me. It actually reminded me a lot of the early Dario Argento films I have been watching recently though it trades a lot of the psychological aspects with more graphic ones. I guess it depends on your tastes but I thought this film worked great and is one of my favorite giallo films. The movie kept me guessing until the end and the gore was top notch. There were some really uncomfortable scenes here, once again depending on your tastes may repel you, but I thought it just enhanced the 'in your face' nature of the film. As I said before: Sick, Depraved, Sleazy, Nasty...Just the way I like it!

RATING: 4/5

City of the Living Dead (1980, Lucio Fulci)

Have I mentioned how much I love Lucio Fulci? Probably not, but I do. I guess this makes it hard to objectively review his films, but I'll do my best. Wait, since when are my reviews objective? Oh yeah, never. So forget that. Let's start with how I came across Fulci's films. It all started back in my junior year of high school. After watching a slew of zombie movies (wisely beginning with Romero's Living Dead trilogy), my friend and I began hunting high and low for anything zombie related. He came across Lucio Fulci's Zombie 2 (which I soon found out was also Lucio Fulci's Zombie, but I'll get to that when I review that film). Anyway, we decided to watch it with one or two of our other friends and it was great. Years went by before I really thought about Lucio Fulci again. It wasn't until I stumbled upon a bargain priced copy of Fulci's Seven Doors of Death (a cut version of The Beyond) that made me want to see Zombie again. After watching it, I was hooked and a friend at work recommended Fulci's Gates of Hell (aka City of the Living Dead), which I soon picked up. Anyway, here goes my review.

You know what sucks? When some crazy priest hangs himself and causes the gates of hell to open. That's exactly what starts this film. A psychic named Mary Woodhouse (Catriona MacColl) dies during a seance after seeing visions of a priest hanging himself. Though after she is buried, we find out she wasn't actually dead. Peter Bell (Christopher George), a reporter investigating her death, saves her from suffocating in her casket and the two start searching for answers to what's going on. They find that the priest in Mary's vision hanged himself in a cemetery in the town of Dunwich, so they decide to travel there. They meet up with a psychiatrist and his patient and together they find out through the book of Enoch that the gates of hell have opened and they must close them before All Saint's Day or else zombies will take over the world.

Pretty intense huh? Fulci stops at nothing to make this one a classic. There are some slow points where it seems like nothing is happening but then all of a sudden - boom - someone's eyes start bleeding and they vomit their internal organs. That's the magic of Fulci. This movie would probably get a 3 out of 5 rating if not for a few scenes (including the one I just mentioned) that make the film a classic gorefest, courtesy of makeup effects master Gianetto De Rossi. Catriona MacColl is stunning to watch and Giovanni Lombardo Ridice is creepy as Bob, one of the film's classic victims. Overall, not a perfect film and nowhere near as great as Fulci's masterpieces Zombie or The Beyond, but still worth a watch.

RATING: 4/5