Rhinestone (1984, Bob Clark)

As I emerge from my mostly dormant state and start up the reviews, I thought I'd pick one that may surprise most of my followers.  I assure you though, in B Movie Heaven there is a space reserved for Rhinestone.  Though not necessarily a B Movie, considering its $28 million budget, you won't see this on any of AFI's top movie lists.  Any film starring Sylvester Stallone and Dolly Parton, directed by Bob (Black Christmas/Christmas Story/Porky's/Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things) Clark deserves to be seen by fans of bad movies.  The reason this film came to my attention was when a friend (Jon Snodgrass from the awesome band Drag the River ) asked if I could find a copy of the Rhinestone soundtrack and send it to him.  I ended up listening to the soundtrack myself and hearing Sylvester Stallone singing country was...well....exactly what you'd expect it to sound like.  Of course I instantly had to see the film.

Dolly Parton plays Jake, a country singer at Rhinestone, a NYC hillbilly bar who regrets her 3 year contract with horny slimeball manager Freddie Ugo (played by Ron Leibman).  Basically she is stuck singing for him with no chance of moving up in her career.  Until she makes a bet with Ugo that she can pick any person off the street and turn them into a country singer.  In comes Nick Martinelli, a NY Cabbie with a big mouth and zero talent.  Desperate to win the bet, Jake brings Nick back home to Tennessee where she tries to mold him into a country star.  Besides the fact Nick is about as country as...well...Sylvester Stallone and an ex-boyfriend (Tim Thomerson) trying to get Jake back, she doesn't give up.

Is Rhinestone a great movie?  Yes and no.  The story is so stupid and far-fetched and the performances are hammy and over the top.  At the same time, the film is actually a delightful watch with a fun story that doesn't take itself too seriously (how could it?).  Despite the fact that Sylvester Stallone not only sings, but sings country, the music fits the movie perfectly and is tolerable even for those who hate country.  Dolly Parton is lovable as the film's lead and seeing Tim (Trancers/Fade to Black) Thomerson as Parton's ex is pretty awesome too.  Overall, I loved this film.

RATING:  8/10

Second Quarter Review 2010

For those of you who follow the blog, you may have noticed a severe lack of output recently.  Have no fear that the blog is still active, I'm still watching way too many movies and plan to keep reviewing.  Expect some really weird and awesome reviews coming very soon.  Also I wanted to extend my many thanks for all of the screeners and other free stuff I have received.  If I have not reviewed your film yet, don't worry.  I haven't forgotten. 

For now, here is my quarterly review of the films I watched from April to June.

4/1
Cat's Eye

4/2
Clash of the Titans (original)

4/3
Zombie 3

4/5
Last Temptation of Christ

4/6
Cutthroats 9

4/8
Trauma (Argento)

4/10
Mother's Day

4/12
White Heat

4/14
American Pie
Kiss of Death

4/16
American Pie 2

4/17
American Wedding

4/21
Manhunter
Waxwork

4/24
Cannibal Ferox

4/25
Last Cannibal World (aka Jungle Holocaust)

4/27
Beyond the darkness
Eaten Alive (Umberto Lenzi)

4/28
Intruder

4/30
Crimewave

5/1
City of the Living Dead

5/2
Hell of the Living Dead

5/3
They Live

5/4
Gamera

5/5
Big Trouble in Little China

5/6
Prince of Darkness

5/7
Night of the Demons

5/8
Brain Damage

5/9
Starman

5/10
Crazy Heart

5/11
Anthrax Oidivnikufesin

5/12
Summer of Fear

5/24
I Need That Record!

5/26
Death Race 2000

5/28
Eaten Alive (Tobe Hooper)

5/30
Blue Velvet

6/2
True Romance

6/4
Birdemic

6/6
Stone

6/7
Mad Dog Morgan

6/9
The Silencers

6/10
Antichrist (Lars von Trier)
The Wrecking Crew
The Ambushers
Murderers' Row

6/11
Agent 077 Mission Bloody Mary
Our Man Flint

6/12
In Like Flint

6/13
Espionage in Tangiers

6/14
From the Orient with Fury

6/16
Man from Hong Kong

6/17
Ipcress File

6/19
Bad Biology

6/20
Funeral in Berlin

6/23
Streets of Fire

6/24
The Proposal
Troll 2

6/26
Ride the High Country

The French Connection (1971, William Friedkin)

Why have I never seen The French Connection before?  Good question.  It is considered a classic.  One of the most praised action films of all time.  A first rate cast.  A director responsible for several films I've enjoyed (The Exorcist and Cruising being my favorites).  Did I forget anything? This was definitely one of those classic "I should see that eventually" film.  Well I picked up a copy at my local library (I think this is the third time I've taken it out) and the right before it was due back I figured "what the hell?"  I'll give it a shot.

Jimmy "Popeye" Doyle (Gene Hackman) and his partner Buddy Russo (Roy Scheider) are hard-assed New York cops who would rather stay up all night staking out a suspect than sleep (regardless of how much booze they've had to drink).  Between busting dealers, they stumble upon Sal Boca (Tony Lo Bianco), a shop owner who they suspect to be in on a big drug deal.  The Feds get involved and the duo end up embroiled in an international drug ring, led by Alain Charnier (Fernando Rey), who will stop at nothing to make sure the deal goes as planned.

To say The French Connection is a classic action film isn't doing it justice.  It is a frenetic, gripping, funny, smart action film with great performances and some of the best chase scenes ever filmed.  Hackman owns as the tough, booze-guzzling cop with the stick-to-itiveness of a piece of fly paper.  Scheider is right up there with Hackman as his reluctant yet dedicated partner.  I really can't think of one thing I didn't like about this film.  William Friedkin's direction puts you right in the middle of the action and doesn't let you catch your breath until the end credits begin to roll.  Should there be another person on Earth who has never seen The French Connection, I can't urge you enough to check it out.

RATING:  10/10

Streets of Fire (1984, Walter Hill)

Streets of Fire is one of those movies that was on every video store shelf in the 80s.  Seeing that cover became second nature and I'll admit I never really thought twice about the video tape hidden under that classic slice of nostalgic artwork.  Honestly, I don't even remember why I decided to check the film out a couple years ago.  It may have been the Walter Hill association or one of the many fine actors in the film.  Regardless, it was long overdue.

Streets of Fire stars Michael Paré as Tom Cody, an ex army soldier who comes back to his hometown at the request of his sister Reva (Deborah Van Valkenburgh).  Local Pop Star Ellen Aim (Diane Lane) is kidnapped at a hometown gig, by gang leader Raven Shaddock (Willem Dafoe) and Tom, who used to be Ellen's boyfriend, is the only one who can get her back.  Along with Ellen's manager Billy Fish (Rick Moranis) and drifter McCoy (Amy Madigan), Cody has to infiltrate Shaddock's hideout and get Ellen back, while avoiding the local cops and Shaddock's goons.

Before re-watching Streets of Fire, I was ready to give it a 9/10 rating.  Apparently I had forgotten one minor flaw in the film...its dialogue.  Hill created a visually stunning "rock n' roll fable" with colorful characters, timeless scenery, rockin' music and a great cast.  Though not all bad, the dialogue however detracts from the otherwise spectacular film, as does the annoying character of McCoy (originally written as a male).  That being said, I would still consider this film a classic for its time and something I will definitely re-visit.  Just watching the concert scenes with the always lovely Diane Lane singing (actually it's not even her voice but whatever), which are an interesting mix of styles (most prevalent being 80s New Wave and 50s Rock), makes me want to watch the film over and over again.

RATING:  7/10

Death Race 2000 out today on Blu-Ray and DVD from Shout! Factory

Don't miss this truly excellent film, out today on DVD and (for the first time) Blu-Ray!

DEATH RACE 2000 SPECIAL EDITION BLU-RAY & DVD

EXTENSIVE SPECIAL FEATURES INCLUDE:

• New Anamorphic Widescreen Transfer (1.85:1) in high definition from the inter-positive film element
• David on Death Race: A brief look back from star David Carradine recorded in 2008
• Audio commentary with Roger Corman and Mary Woronov
• New audio commentary with assistant director Lewis Teague and editor Tina Hirsch
• Playing the Game: Looking Back at “Death Race 2000”
• Ready to Wear: In-depth interview costume designer Jane Ruhm on her inventive work for this film and other Roger Corman classics
• Designing Dystopia!: A detailed look at the film’s futuristic landscapes and now-classic race cars with co-art director B.B. Neel, car designer James Powers and car constructor Dean Jeffries.
• Start Your Engine!: How the world of Death Race 2000 came to life, interview with original story creator Ib Melchior
• Killer Score: An all-new interview with composer Paul Chihara on the creation of the film’s eclectic score, which was also his first feature film composition.
• Leonard Maltin interviews Roger Corman about Death Race 2000
• Original theatrical trailer
• Original theatrical trailer with commentary by filmmaker John Landis, courtesy of trailersfromhell.com
• Collectible 12-page booklet
• New World trailers 

Eaten Alive (1977, Tobe Hooper)

What do you do after creating one of the greatest, most horrific and influential horror films of all time?  You make another horror film using the same screenwriter and lead actress, of course.  That's what Tobe Hooper did after terrifying the world with his undisputed 1974 classic Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  It was a combination of Hooper being director, the crazy story (co-written by TCM screenwriter Kim Henkel) and a cast of horror/exploitation legends that made this a must-see film.  I first watched Eaten Alive a couple of years ago and was actually very disappointed.  Since then, I decided to give the movie, which by all rights should be a horror classic, a second chance.  The time is now.

Eaten Alive follows a young prostitute named Clara (Roberta Collins), who is kicked out of the brothel that she works for when she refuses to let young regular Buck (Robert Englund) do her in a bad place.  She seeks refuge at the local Starlight Hotel, which is run by Judd (Neville Brand), a drug addicted, puritanical maniac.  Once he realizes Clara is from the local whorehouse, he kills her in a psychotic rage and feeds her to his pet crocodile.  A couple (William Finley and Marilyn Burns) and their daughter stop by the Starlight for some R and R, but end up staying longer than anticipated when their dog is gobbled up by the croc, sending their daughter into hysterics.  They soon become targets of Judd's reign of terror, as do Clara's father (Mel Ferrer) and sister who stop by to find the missing girl.

On paper, Eaten Alive sounds like it can't fail.  Rarely will you find a better ensemble cast:  Robert (Freddy Krueger) Englund, Marilyn (Texas Chainsaw Massacre) Burns, Roberta (Death Race 2000) Collins, Mel (Nightmare City) Ferrer, Janus (Hills Have Eyes) Blythe, Neville (Ninth Configuration and many others) Brand, Carolyn (House of Wax) Jones, William (Phantom of the Paradise) Finley, Kyle (Halloween) Richards, Betty (Toolbox Murders) Cole....I'm sure there are more.  The film had a very psychedelic feel with lots of strange colors, but was also very dark and smoky.  It almost felt like a fever dream filmed on recycled film stock.  So what was wrong with the film?  The main flaw for me was pacing.  It started out great but the middle become redundant, non-sensical (what was up with William Finley's character going crazy?) and just slow.  Though not a waste of time by any means, Eaten Alive had all the elements to make it a horror classic but instead it turned out being an average film with a stellar cast.  I think this may actually be a film you need to watch several times before it clicks so I definitely plan to revisit it in the future.

Fun fact:  Mel Ferrer was in another film also titled Eaten Alive, an early 80s Umberto Lenzi Italian Cannibal flick.


RATING:  6/10

Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2008, James Nguyen)

Finally, my first free movie screening thanks to this here site.  Thank you site.  My friend and I drove into Boston (Cambridge technically) to the best worst theater in the area (The Brattle) to check out Birdemic.  I had read about the film online and really didn't know what to expect.  The fact that it is being distributed by Severin Films is really what made the film a must see, based on their incredible output of sleaze.

The film starts out with the main character Rod (Alan Bagh) driving down the street, walking around and sitting in a coffee shop.  The camera frequently misses the action points (not that there really are any) and the footage of Rod looks as if it was filmed on a camcorder by a blind man.  I immediately knew what I was in for.  Rod ends up meeting (stalking) a girl in the coffee shop that he remembers from high school and somehow manages to exchange phone numbers.  The girl, Nathalie (Whitney Moore) is a fashion model who heads off to a photo shoot at a one hour photo shop.  Yes, you read that right.  Rod and Nathalie meet up for some Thai food and end up with big advances in their careers (Rod's company is doing well and he is looking forward to early retirement while Nathalie becomes a Victoria's Secret model).  They also find out that their friends are dating and agree to go on a double date.  After finally sealing the deal in a motel room, Rod and Nathalie wake up to find the city (world?) taken over by killer eagles (yes eagles).  Not just any eagles though.  These eagles not only attack people, but they also explode on impact.  Rod and Nathalie meet up with army vet Ramsey (Adam Sessa) and his girlfriend Becky (Catherine Batcha) and they take to the road in Ramsey's van, which happens to be loaded with guns.  They find two abandoned children on the side of the road and take them along to try to find out what is causing the "Birdemic".

How do I begin?  Birdemic was easily the worst movie ever made.  I even hesitate to say so bad its good.  It was just BAD.  The acting (especially Rod who sounded like he had a mouth full of marbles) was atrocious, the camerawork looked like they strapped a cheap camera to an unsuspecting bystander's head and the sound popped, hissed, cut out and frequently drowned out the actor's (if you can call them that) voices with background noise.  Not to mention the sound of the birds attacking which was almost deafeningly loud and ear piercing.  Oh and speaking of the birds, they looked as though they were CGI'd via a child.  Despite all of this (and much, much more), the film was actually very entertaining (thanks to the great late night movie crowd we viewed the film with).  By the end, I'll admit I was a little antsy because some of the gags got old, but through most of the film, the whole crowd was laughing hysterically (even the usher standing behind us).  The film exceeds at being the worst movie of all time and I urge viewers to check the film out in its limited theatrical run because the crowd really enhances the film.  I'm not sure how it would come across on home video, especially if you watch it alone.  I'm convinced it might actually cause insanity or cause the viewer to never watch another film in fear it might be as bad or (gasp!) worse than Birdemic.  Those who have seen it, know that last statement is impossible.

RATING:  7/10*

*(this rating is for the enjoyment level of the film - the film itself is unrateable)