The Shark Hunter (1979, Enzo G. Castellari)

After reviewing Castellari's Last Shark, I decided it just wouldn't be right if I didn't also review his other Shark movie, The Shark Hunter. Though far from the Jaws ripoff that Last Shark was, it still has it's share of shark attacks and underwater action. This time though, it has the Italian legend Franco Nero in a horrible long blonde wig.

Mike di Donato (Franco Nero) is The Shark Hunter, an Italian recluse (who happens to be an American citizen) living on a Caribbean Island. Mike's family was killed years back so he just kinda keeps to himself, with his Spanish beauty (Patricia/Patrizia Rivera, depending on if you are watching the opening or the ending credits) by his side. He discovers a buried treasure in a sunken plane and attempts to retrieve it, with the aid of a rich vacationer. However a group of thugs (one of which is played by hairy-chested director Enzo Castellari using his given name Girolami) have discovered the treasure too and it becomes a race of who can retrieve the treasure first. Oh yeah, there are also a bunch of scenes of Nero's character punching sharks.

The Shark Hunter is good, silly fun. It has all of Castellari's trademarks - big action, slow motion fight scenes and Franco Nero running a lot and being thrown into puddles. There is also the trademark Guido y Maurizio De Angelis thumping disco score that plays over the scenes with little or no dialogue, which seems to be quite frequent. The story itself is pretty silly but overall it works. There are some scenes of real sharks being killed which kind of sucks, but at least it makes the film sort of believable (bad justification, I know). The fight scenes are good, the characters are all menacing and the underwater photography is decent. Why Nero is dressed up like a hippy I have no idea, I guess it's to enhance his crustiness, but in retrospect it makes his character original. There are flashback scenes of Nero with his normal short hair/mustache combo that we are so used to, but for the most part he looks more like his character in Castellari's Keoma. Nero is probably the most handsome man who ever lived (I am saying this in a non-gay sort of way...but you knew that) so it is a shame that they are trying to make him look gross, but like I said before, at least it's different and who would believe a reclusive shark hunter who looked like a debonair Italian businessman? Well, enough about Nero, I'm starting to sound like a weirdo. If you like Nero and/or Castellari, I would recommend this but if you are looking for a good Jaws-type movie or a big budget underwater film, this ain't it.

By the way, if you are looking for this it is included on the Grindhouse Experience 2 box set, but it looks like a bad vhs transfer. I have an old VHS rental copy that looks way better, so I would suggest that one instead.

RATING: 3/5

The Terminator (1984, James Cameron)

This review is hard and easy at the same time. How do you successfully review a movie you have loved for half of your life? Many of my reviews are for movies I have just seen for the first time. Movies I am unbiased towards, for the most part. I'll just do the best I can I guess. Back in 1991 when I was about 10 years old, I wanted to see T2 (Terminator 2 for those who are stupid) so badly. Of course my mother wouldn't let me but I did end up catching it on video about a year later. I loved it and begged my mother to let me rent the first one. She was working as a Meat Wrapper in the local supermarket with three foul mouthed guys who told her that The Terminator was not appropriate for her 11 year old son (swearing, nudity, violence and everything else that is great about the movie). Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I tricked my dad into letting me buy a copy for sale at a nearby video store. When my mother found out she was pissed but let me keep it (she was never very good at discipline). Anyway, I watched it. Then watched it again. Then watched it again and again and again and it soon became my favorite movie.

The year is 2029. The world is run by machines who are trying to eliminate the few remaining humans who survived after a nuclear war caused by the machines. One man named John Connor rose up to lead the survivors in a fight against the machines. The machines sent a half man/half machine called a Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger) back to the year 1984 to kill John Connor's mother, Sarah (Linda Hamilton) in effect erasing his existence. The humans then sent through a young resistance fighter named Kyle Reese (Michael Biehn) to try to protect Sarah against the Terminator.

The Terminator rules in every possible way. The story is thought provoking (fuck those who gripe about the impossibility of the film's events - it's Science Fiction for Crissakes!), the characters are brilliant and the action is non-stop. The special effects are cutting edge (for the time) and still pack quite a punch, courtesy of the late, great Stan Winston. Seeing it on the big screen, I was really impressed by the car chases and just how loud the movie was, something I'd never felt before watching it on home video. The shotgun blasts, the screeching car tires, the futuristic machines...everything. The relationship between Reese and Sarah is probably the thing I love most about this movie. They are just so perfect together I wish Hamilton and Biehn were in a hundred movies together (or even just two - not counting the criminally deleted scene from T2). Oh yeah...then there's Ah-nold as The Terminator. Easily his best role and you can just tell he doesn't give a shit about anyone or anything other than killing Sarah. Let's also not forget the music - Brad Feidel's electronic score and the cheesy 80's pop songs that I so love, as well as the perfectly-casted supporting actors (Paul Winfield, Lance Henriksen, Bess Motta, Rick Rossovich, Bill Paxton and (of course) Dick Miller). I could go on and on discussing every single thing about this film, but I'll leave it at that. The Terminator rules.

RATING: 5/5

Why Steven Seagal rules....

...nuff said.

(A whole buncha Seagal reviews coming real soon!)

Very Important Day in the Life of Starmummy

So last night, July 10th, 2009 marks a landmark in my life. I was finally able to see what is probably my favorite all time movie on the big screen- THE TERMINATOR. It was at the Brattle Theater in Harvard Square, Cambridge, Massachusetts. I've seen this movie so many times but seeing it on the big screen just adds an element missing from every previous viewing. The explosions, car chases and gun shots were so much louder than I could ever imagine watching it on a TV. Michael Biehn's heroism, Linda Hamilton's beauty and Arnold Schwarzenegger's bigness were even more brilliant than ever before, which I didn't think was possible.

Props to my friend Six String for making the trek with me. Check out his blog, it rules.

Easy Rider (1969, Dennis Hopper)

Now that my Howling marathon has ended, I thought I would treat myself with a real classic. I saw Easy Rider a few times as a teenager and loved it. I've been meaning to check it out again but just hadn't gotten around to it until now. Actually the thing that made me go get this out of the library today was The Byrds. I've been listening to them a lot lately, along with the Easy Rider soundtrack (which features the brilliant Byrds classic I Wasn't Born to Follow and two Roger McGuinn solo songs It's Alright Ma (I'm Only Bleeding) and Ballad of Easy Rider). Anyway, the mood served me so I popped it into ye ole DVD player and that's that.

Easy Rider, the quintessential biker movie, stars Peter Fonda as Wyatt (aka Captain America) and Dennis Hopper as Billy, two dope smoking bikers who score some cocaine and then turn around to sell it to fund a cross country trek to "find America". Along the way they meet lots of colorful characters, including an alcoholic lawyer (Jack Nicholson), a bunch of rednecks, a hippy commune and two hookers (Karen Black and Toni "Hey Mickey You're So Fine" Basil). As they ride around they see the real America, from the beautiful scenery to the ugly hatred from those who don't understand them.

Easy Rider is a classic and one of the best road movies out there. The characters are all fascinating and the actors portraying them all hit the nail on the head, adding something unique to each situation the two protagonists are involved in. Hopper, Fonda and Nicholson are all perfect for their roles (which they basically created). Many of the small roles in the film are played by local towns people in whatever town they were filming in at the time and it really makes the film feel more genuine and real. This film really has everything - great music, humor, stunning direction, editing and cinematography and several messages meant to be contemplated and interpreted by the viewer.

RATING: 5/5

The Howling: New Moon Rising (1995, Clive Turner)

I survived! The Howling marathon has come to its conclusion with The Howling: New Moon Rising. Like I stated before, I didn't even know this film existed until way after the fact, due to it's limited availability on Region 2 DVD or VHS. I was very surprised that I found a brand new/sealed VHS copy for $2.00. It was like I struck gold. I couldn't figure out why it was so cheap. Maybe it's not that good?

The Howling: New Moon Rising (I'm not typing that again, it's too damn long. Why couldn't they have just called it Howling VII?) takes place right after the events in the sixth film. The bones of a werewolf are found in some redneck town. A mysterious Australian stranger named Ted (Clive Turner) stumbles into town (what's with these people from other countries mysteriously "appearing" in East Asscrack, USA seemingly out of nowhere?) looking for....this sounds really familiar...food and shelter in exchange for work. He gets hired to work at some hillbilly bar where line dancin' and singin' runs rampant. Ted fits right in (despite the fact that he's a long haired Australian who kind of looks like Eric Idle from Monty Python) and is soon cracking (very, very, very bad) jokes with the local yokels. After a bunch of songs and bad jokes, there is a werewolf prowling around, or at least we suspect that's what it is with the nauseatingly bright and blurry POV camera work.

I could go on, but what's the point? This movie sucked so hard. Easily the worst in the series, it actually made me yearn for part III. The acting in this film is some of the worst I have ever seen. Apparently most of the "actors" in this film are actually real people just hired because they were already regulars at the bar that most of the (non) action takes place. If you watch the end credits you'll notice that most of the cast use their real names. I believe there is only one scene with a werewolf (not including flashbacks from parts IV, V and VI, which they unsuccessfully try to tie to this film) and it looks really bad. The fact that the director, producer, writer and star are all the same person (Clive Turner) should have warned me how stinky this giant loaf of a movie would be. The film is half footage of assorted bar patrons performing country songs on the bar's stage. And I'm not talking about normal films that take place in bars where the band is performing in the background and the camera focuses on the main characters. In this, the band is more of a main character than anyone else. Did I mention how bad the acting was? I swear to God I was expecting to see someone holding cue cards on the side of the screen. I don't know why this movie was made but I wish it wasn't. It depressed me how bad it was and now I feel bloated from all of the comfort food I had to consume to make it to the end. I'm going to stop now before I hit something. Don't watch this movie, unless you want to suck.

RATING: 1/5

Howling VI: The Freaks (1991, Hope Perello)

My Howling film festival is nearing the end. For awhile I actually thought that part VI was the final Howling film until I found out that there was a seventh film only released on VHS. The series took an upswing with parts IV and V so hopefully it won't dip back down into the pooper with the final two entries.

Howling VI: The Freaks follows a British drifter named Ian (Brendan Hughes) who stumbles into the rural mid-western town of Canton Bluff in search of day labor and a place to sleep. The local minister, who has lost his faith, offers up a bed and meals if Ian helps him rebuild the church. Ian accepts and then starts gettin' googly eyes from his the preacher's daughter Elizabeth (Michele Matheson) but refuses to get involved with her, despite his desires. We soon find out he's a werewolf (actually we sort of knew from the beginning but whatever) and is kidnapped and put on display by a traveling circus ringleader named R.B. Harker (Bruce Martyn Payne), whose mysterious past is somehow linked to Ian.

Not really your average Werewolf film but then again when you think about it, they have all been pretty out there plot-wise (at least the ones that have plots). This one actually wasn't that bad. The first half was pretty good and the werewolf effects were pretty well done. There were some annoying characters (the sheriff, the mayor and the she/he in the circus) but other than that all of the actors were competent, especially Brendan Hughes as Ian. You really felt bad for him, as silly as that sounds. The movie started running out of steam in the last half but the end fight between the Werewolf and Harker (who proves to be not quite human either) is pretty bitchin'. Overall a decent entry in the series.

RATING: 3/5